The Ex-Wife’s Survival Guide by Debby Holt

Author:Debby Holt
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Pocket Books
Published: 2006-07-15T00:00:00+00:00

Pursue Career Possibilities

Sarah liked to describe her memory as wayward. Andrew always said it was nonexistent and was infuriated by her inability to remember names. Sarah would point out that she could almost remember them but Andrew remained unimpressed. An approximation, he said, was nearly as insulting as a complete blank. Now that she thought about it, perhaps Howard Smart had good reason to dislike her. In the first few months of their acquaintance she had persisted in calling him Henry.

In some areas her mind was razor sharp. She could remember the names of all Liz Taylor’s husbands and could recount the entire history of Doctor Carter’s intricate love life on ER. She might not be able to absorb road directions (she had given up asking passersby how to find obscure locations: her mind always shut down after the first “Turn left”), but she had an unerring aptitude for taking in the lyrics of the more irritating pop songs. This last was a skill she could have happily lost, especially at the moment when she found herself constantly regurgitating the remake of Cyndi Lauper’s “Girls Just Want to Have Fun.”

Furthermore, while much of her past had become a blank slate, there were certain incidents, sights, conversations that remained clear and intact, photographs that did not fade. Thirty-five years ago, basking in the temporary approval of the reigning Miss Popular, she had joined in the baiting of the resident Miss Social Outcast. Years later, those reproachful eyes could still inspire in Sarah regular bouts of self-disgust. Then there was the time at art school when she had stood in the shadows, gazing with masochistic misery at the gorgeous Barney Melton while he kissed his girlfriend. An even more painful memory was her angry reaction when a small, tearful James announced he’d lost the birthday watch he’d been given that morning. His birthday was ruined, his own mother had helped to ruin it, and she would always feel guilty. Sarah had no idea why her brain displayed such selective amnesia but there certainly seemed to be an element of sadism in the way it operated.

At the moment, the overwhelming presence of the Cyndi Lauper song was being driven out by Martin’s comments on Saturday, which went round and round her brain like a wasp inside a jam jar. She had constantly deferred to Andrew and she had often repeated his opinions. Martin had implied that she’d put him on a pedestal and she had to admit she had always thought he was more glamorous, more interesting, and more connected with the world than she was. He knew how to make money, he knew how to meet the right people, and he knew the right things to say.

Living without Andrew was scary because living with Andrew had made her life so easy. She could enjoy the company of her sons, she could decorate the house, weed the garden, do her paintings, all in the knowledge that Andrew would see to the nuts and bolts of their life together.

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